her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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