I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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