What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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