Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
