im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
