I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We had sex on a dog bed..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
