The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
