This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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