i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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