Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize