Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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