its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
