Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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