I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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