New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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