I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
