You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My dick has a subreddit
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
