She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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