Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
