Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
