I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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