I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
