When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
