Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
