How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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