im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
