I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
