Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
