I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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