I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
