You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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