I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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