butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
