i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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