oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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