I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
