3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
