I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
