I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
