I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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