last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
