she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
