then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
