covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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