it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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