but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
