On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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