well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
