ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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