Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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