May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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