I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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