i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
