i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize