You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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