So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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