so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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