the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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