I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
