Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
