I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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