so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
