you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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