she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
