I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
