dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
