Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
