3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
