Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
