y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
