don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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